The Marathon I didn't do

I've been planning to run the Route 66 marathon for nearly a year. Then this summer happened.... and lots of crazy life things happened. But I ran the Chicago marathon with Seyi - and during it I convinced her to sign up for Route 66 too. After Chicago marathon I was exhausted. I've been going to bed early and I can barely crawl out in the morning to go to work. (and yes, I've talked to my doctor... all my tests came back fine.) I had an idea of what the trip was going to be like, but in talking to my running/travel partners, I found out it wouldn't be anything like that. So... I went anyway... and I didn't finish. Regardless of what was going on around me, or what the previous weeks had been like... we got there on Sunday morning and it was cold. I can handle at 36-40 degree race, but when the winds lower the temps to more like 26-27, I was not prepared. So I quit. Sometimes I feel like I quit too easily, that I'm okay with status quo - I talk to my dad a lot about this on our weekend drives. Is it just as good to be happy with status quo as it is to, maybe, be more with more.
We made the best out of the decision to drop to the half marathon distance, we weren't that far ahead of our friends, so we joined them and finished together. And I was awful. Seriously, I feel like I shouldn't be able to call myself a runner right now. I am very glad we crossed the finish together. But it still means that I quit. Like I always do. Multiple parts of my body hurt, and this race isn't the reason. It's mostly my heart - since I quit.
Seyi and I will be back. I already agreed to do another marathon with her in Oklahoma, but not this one. I don't think I can deal with it again.

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